Trauma and triggers of the last 12 months and how I survived (and thrived)

Dangggggg! I love life! I love waking up to the smell of coffee in the kitchen wafting up the stairs. I love finding little hand drawn pictures in my hair tie drawer from Aden before I put my hair in a messy bun and go do my workout. I love cooking and cleaning up after my 3 kids (constantly). I love my life as I’m sitting here at my desk with the sound of Ammie chewing on her toy and Aden bouncing on the trampoline. I love that I have the words behind my feelings when something upset me yesterday to calmly rationalize how I was feeling and then verbalize it to another person.

I didn’t love any of these things or couldn’t have thought out a clear emotion and especially couldn’t have said any of those things 2 weeks ago. Not because my life was any less amazing then as it is now. It’s just that what you focus on expands. So if you tell yourself you hate the sound of your alarm in the morning and you can’t stand putting on your workouts clothes and doing a workout that feels forced then you’re going to hate all of those things and it will avalanche into other areas of your life. If you don’t like your co-worker or are at odds with your spouse and you’re spending your time being mad instead of coming up with a solution.. that negativity will overflow into other areas of your life too. If you don’t have money for that vacation you want to go on or that dress you realllllly want but all you do is stress over it and feel angry or lacking instead of “how can I afford it?” then you will just be stuck. Day in and day out you will feel stuck. Kinda like the feeling of the movie Groundhogs day and not the holiday where the little creature comes out and sees his shadow or not and whether that means a longer winter or fast approaching spring – I never remember which. It’s also why I have to say “spring forward/fall back” when the time change comes too because I never can remember otherwise. Speaking of! We “spring forward” on March 14th! Longer days of sunshine are cominggggg. I got off subject here… #squirrelmoment

… SO THE ACTUAL GROUNDHOGS DAY came and went and I didn’t think much of it. Did you? But, as a friend and I were joking that life is overwhelmingly and seemingly like that movie “Groundhogs Day” we are all living the same day. Over and over. Day in and day out. 

If you haven’t seen the movie, the premise is the character doesn’t take what he’s doing seriously or put much thought into his surroundings or the people around him until he wakes up to realize he has to live that same day over again. As the movie goes on he starts evolving, participating more in his life and with the “opportunities” that surround him. Ultimately realizing the that key to life isn’t what happens to you but how you react to it.

Confession: since March last year A LOT has changed FOR THE GOOD in my life but, there I sat focusing on whatever made me feel the MOST WORTHLESS. The sadness and drudgery owned me. The bummer that my life can and will be if I let it. I’m not one to wallow in misery really but I had to tackle some really overwhelming obstacles that felt like I was paddling something fierce but I wasn’t moving… all while not stopping to take in some of my own best advice. 


Whether you believe that or not it is almost undeniable that as we trudge through what seems like it’s right out of a movie itself – that bug which will not be named has had some UNBELIEVEABLE affects on all of us and I cannot possibly assume or believe it could be happening for NO REASON AT ALL. A fluke? Maybe but, I choose to believe it’s for a reason. 

We may still not know THE REASON but I’ve seen a lot of change watching all of you on social media this past year. I’ve watched as families played more board games and went on more camping trips. I’ve seen a lot of healing, more meditation, more creating of good habits, and healthier lifestyles. I’ve seen tighter bonds and connections between spouses, friends, co-workers. I’ve seen people save money and learn how to repair their credit (now more than ever). I realize just like in my own life and what I’ve shared publicly that can be 2 different stories but maybe while it hasn’t been ideal we all have needed this temporary (ok rn it feels permanent but..) time-out to realign ourselves with what is REALLY IMPORTANT to us.

I, on the other hand, haven’t been doing so well. As an introvert, homebody, anti-social butterfly — I almost RELY on the things I HAVE to do so that I continue to be a part of society. If left on my own I will totally stay in the house for an entire day and then go out and check the mail only to realize it feels amazing outside and I just wasted the day. It’s like if I have to get dressed to go out to run an errand I end up doing something else then I’m invigorated from the people and the places. If I stay home, as much as I love it, it’s really unhealthy for me.

As I scrolled through my camera roll last night I felt overwhelmed with all the reminders of how blessed I am and gratefulness filled up my heart.  Then it hit me – I had stopped loving myself somewhere between March 2020 and the beginning of this month. I had brief moments of catching myself in the act and changing my behavior but overall it was a lost cause. Like talk mad sheet in my own head to myself daily. Borderline hate. Ill thoughts. Contemplations I now look back on and cannot believe the headspace I was in. And, of course, it was all internal. I never let it out. I never spoke deeply about it or tried to resolve it. Just let it stew all musty up in my head. And that made it so much worse.

Where was my ability to find joy in each moment? Embrace adventure? Sleep in on the weekends? Put my toes in the water? Take more hikes? Exercise because I LOVE MYSELF and not as a form of punishment for the last thing I ate? Find a reason to laugh even if I’m in the middle of crying? And, just tackle the crap out of my goals!?!?


There’s been research that trauma produces a recalibration of the brain’s alarm system and results vary by person of course but commonly show up as an increase in stress hormones (hello cortisol belly), disorganization, irrational thoughts, lethargy, lack of willpower, hyper-viligent threat responses, fear of spontaneity or the unknown resulting in fight or flight response, inability to learn from experience to stop repeating harmful behaviors, the list goes on.

I have been stuckkkkk AF and hyper focused on unimportant things. I know if you scroll through it looks like I’ve just been cruising through this worldwide crisis but, that’s what I do man. I’m a freaking survivor and I will NEVER give up on myself [permanently]. If by some chance I’m in the midst of a meltdown I might also be smiling and waving in my stories, writing up a purchase offer, cooking a 4 course meal, or hosting a zoom workout from my living room to 30 people all over the country/world… and no one will even have any idea something is wrong. Or if they do they just chalk it up to me acting a little different…but, it’s the trauma. I watch as others can verbalize and display their dissatisfaction or unhappiness at a situation and get over it better, faster.. healthier. All that goes through my head is omg I would cut my finger off before I said anything outloud. DUDE – THAT CANNOT BE HEALTHY RIGHT?! But seriously, I’d cut myself instead of have to speak up. 

We all should feel so free to speak up and speak out against someone or something that makes us upset (or share if we are struggling with something). It doesn’t have to have a negative connotation or be detrimental to the other person or situation (but I also wince in pain when I see how capable some people are at this… secretly wishing how easy it must feel to do and say whatever you want without 7 hours of overthinking and a pit in your stomach for the rest of your life every time you think back about the incident.) 

I know one post about this will not contain all the answers for you but, my hope is that it sparks you to do more things that make you feel good. And, if you are struggling you will do the work to get unstuck. It’s really hard for me to say or I should say hard for me to believe that I am a better person and how I deal with life because of doing the work. I still feel so broken and damaged in so many ways but, I know I have become mentally stronger and healthier than I’ve ever been and I feel more whole because of the changes I’ve made in the last decade. I don’t ever really know if I’ll ever be or feel “fixed” or “not damaged.” But, I can see I have progressed from the broken person I once was and am stronger now. I’m also quicker to recover than I’ve ever been (2020 not included bc this sheet’s been hard LOL). I am all done sticking my head in the sand and have made a promise to myself to continue to do the work.

There’s a couple books* that helped me; The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD, and The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Find the answers you need to feel good again. Don’t stop trying until you do. 

And if you need someone to help you start – I’m a message away.

xo, TJ

The things I am thankful, grateful, blessed…

*both links are affiliated to my amazon shop-as an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases at no cost to you and my opinions are always my own.


Ideally, we would take care of our mental and physical health as a top priority but, unfortunately it’s usually put on the back-burner because of adulting and responsibilities (making for an easy out when we don’t WANT to do the work).

This year more than maybe any other has had its share of challenges and you might be thinking, “I can’t possibly put one more thing like meal prep, getting up early, saying no to my favorite Starbucks drink on my list of things to do!!”

That’s where I come in! I have found a handful of things that when in survival single mom mode I can still accomplish and it helps me find that little bit of balance that can be the difference between feeling like I’m slaying my day or drowning.

A huge pet peeve of mine is long drawn out blog posts so hopefully you enjoy me cutting right to it as much as I do:

Let me know if you try any of them and I especially want to know if they help! I offer health, mindset, and balance coaching inside a private group on Facebook and monthly challenges when you’re ready to dive in click over and tell me more about YOU!

Christmas Gift Ideas for 8 to 15-ish year old boys

Wow! Besides a worldwide pandemic, distance learning, and the everyday struggle of a solo parent I remind myself daily how much to be thankful for.

Disclaimer: This year I’m not buying any electronics or screen time activities – not that there’s anything wrong with them but between distance learning and their already video/phone time I want to create more hobbies, outdoor, and family activities – so if you want the latest info on PS5’s or iPhones it’s not in here.

This 10′ x 15′ oval Jump King trampoline with basketball hoops

Rainbow vinyl dodge balls for the trampoline

OMG reliving 6th grade right nowwww with this Tetherball set and I grabbed this base

Tiki Toss Ring Game

Star Wars Monopoly (because who doesn’t love Baby Yoda) and it was only $10

Guesstures game for family game night will be a blast

I couldn’t resist a cheesy game like Deer Pong

This 4-in-1 Game Table that I hope is made sturdy and can stand up to 2 grueling boys playing pool, flick football, air hockey & ping pong

Hawaiian Shave Ice Machine and I buy the Torani syrups at Smart & Final

National Geographic Rock Tumbler I kinda want this for me HA!

Aden’s wish list included this 3D printer but I would have noooo clue where to even put it and pretty sure his excitement would wear off when he realizes the work he’d have to put into it so we are starting off his passion with a 3D pen first

I already gave Will this L-Shaped Corner Desk last month because poor guy was distance learning on my laundry folding table. And grabbed both boys these cool gaming chairs – my only complaint is the seats on these chairs are a little hard so I had to buy these memory foam chair pads for extra cushion

An Alexa Glow Smart Lamp I’m hoping to use to color code Aden’s day, routines, and class schedules. You can set countdown timers like “Alexa, set a rainbow time for 10 minutes on Aden’s lamp” to alert him when dinner’s ready. And way better than yelling up the staircase at him.

I’ll add more to this list so check back – next up is the list for my 18 year old daughter and my small biz shoutout.

Black Friday anndddd Cyber Monday Deals still going

Totally behind but didn’t shop either of the big shopping days and probably missed a bunch but, if you’re like me and did the same here’s what’s still going strong:

Before you shop download Rakuten and get $40 when you spend $40! Before I shop for anything I search the Rakuten app or website if I’m on my laptop first! Last Christmas I got a big fat check back for $260.

Before you spend all your money shopping for gifts… set some aside for investment! I saved 20% of what I usually spend on my littles and bought them stocks at Robinhood. NO FEES! And you can buy a partial stock so if Tesla at $590 and you only wanted to spend $25 you can! When you enroll here we’ll both get a free stock – You have a 1 in 150 chance of getting stocks like Microsoft, Visa, and Apple.

30% off the jewelry travel organizer to keep your earrings, necklaces and bobbles from tangling up or scratching each other.

Free month of Rocksbox and the opportunity to earn free gorgeous jewelry each month! Click the Rocksbox link or use code TAWNYABFF2

Greats stocking stuffer! Verb Energy Bars are 90 calories and 65mg of delicious caffeine in flavors you’ll love – Starter kits $9 – the newest flavor cookie butter is to die for…

Crazy sales on Nordstrom. But I noticed sold out of popular sizes. I did grab these silk masks for my girls with acne problems stemming from the cotton masks. And these earrings for $17. And when you open a new credit line you get a $60 Nordstrom note!

Are your gyms closed or only doing outdoor classes? Start working out at home for 2 weeks free with super trainers and a free coach (me☺️) on Beachbody On Demand.

Perfect stock stuffer for your favorite person – 45% off leakproof 32 oz water bottle – side of the bottle is engraved with unique inspirational quotes and time marker, ideal for measuring your daily intake of water, reminding you to stay hydrated throughout the day and drink enough water.

American Eagle is 40% off allllllll the things – and Bath & Body Works was too but, might not be by the time I hit post.

This season I’ve been obsessed with buffalo plaid and these Cuddl Duds Sherpa throws in this or any color or pattern are so perfect! Grab one or three they make great last-minute gifts! Under $22 with code FAMILYSAVE

While you’re there also get the cutest gingerbread serving plate you ever did seeeee for $14.99 with code FAMILYSAVE

Express is 50% off everything.

I’m working on the list of gifts and gadgets I found the boys (ages 8 & 14) this year too and come back this afternoon for my shop local/shop small shoutouts!!

Hope this finds you cozy and warm! If you’re looking for deals let me know and I’ll help you search the inter webs!!

Central Coast Homes for Under $500K🌊🔥

TUESDAY TOPIC: Central Coast Homes for Under $500K🌊🔥

Have you been curious what $500,000 buys you on the coast of Cali? I was. So I made a list specifically of what’s on the market and what’s coming soon! Feel free to browse it and reach out to me if you have any questions or need guidance on buying or selling a home in the area.

Tawnya J. Rigsby

DRE 02090907

Swack Real Estate Group

Keller Williams Realty Central Coast

(805) 459-7500

First Time Home Buyers Free Printable Checklist – Step by Step Outline

Buying a home can be a very daunting experience especially if you’ve never been through the process before. But, at the same time it is also one of the most exciting times of your life. I would know – I’m currently in the process of doing it myself as a single mom and brand new real estate agent so I researched all the things you need to do/know and made one simplified list for you here.

There are a list of critical items you need to be aware of and keep track of during this process so I’ve outlined them below:

Find a Realtor – of course, I’m offering my services here but you need to find someone who you truly connect with – someone that you can trust to have your best interest at heart, your finances as if they were her own, and vigilant in keeping you up to date and feel well taken care of in the process.

Check Your Credit Score – you might be afraid of what you don’t know are maybe you have that one loan you defaulted on and you know it doesn’t look good. Either way this is a great place to start because you can FIX your credit.

Determine Your Budget – Calculate what your cost of living is currently. You can use any google or excel template – here’s one as an example. Groceries, utilities, credit card payments, student loans, etc. How much is left after your costs? Do you have a side hustle or second job you can add back into the equation? Would you consider purchasing a multi-unit property so the costs of rents could be contributed to your income?

Check Your Home Buying Power – Connect with a lender to find out how much you qualify for and what your payments would be. I have a great relationship with a local lender that utilizes many of the top lending companies like Rocket and Quicken Loans, as well as, conventional lenders like Wells Fargo, Bank of America, etc. I’d be happy to give you the information for a soft check of your pre-qualification and quick chat. From this point on is when I advise my clients not to do any hard or soft inquiries on their credit. So no new car, no new cell phone, don’t go out and open a credit line for new furniture. Keep your credit tidy and give your lender the best, most advantageous, negotiating power with your home loan options.

Research & House Hunting – THE BEST AND MOST FUN PART – you’ve been pre-approved and know how much home you can afford. Start by making a list of the must-haves and nice-to-haves with specific areas you’d like to live and I can create a portal for you to have access to every home on the market, as well as, what’s coming soon in your price range.

Narrow Your Choices Down – As you view homes, whether virtually or in person, keep track of the things you love and don’t love about each option.

Pick Your Perfect For You Home – Hopefully by this time you’ve fallen absolutely in love with just one home. If not, make a pros/cons list, speak with friends and family you trust to help you weigh out the options, and rely on me to help you make the #1 choice! As part of our clientele you will receive a Love It or Leave It guarantee I’ll share with you in the home buying process too.

Make An Offer – This might be the most exhilarating yet terrifying part of the process. This is where we write up our best offer to the sellers of your home. We will discuss your highest price point and at what point we walk away so that in the negotiations you feel better prepared. This is also when I remind you not to open any new lines of credit so we can be sure your loan approval qualifies for this home.

Offer Accepted! – Congratulations! We don’t throw a party yet. Now, we move on to the home inspection, appraisal, and paperwork (most of this can be time consuming and sometimes feel like a roller coaster), but I promise I have your personal interest at heart and I will be communicating with you weekly, if not daily, to keep this process as smooth and calm as possible.

Close the Sale – NOW we celebrate! You are the proud owner of your new home and can start making memories of a lifetime. Hopefully you feel like you’ve made a friend for life in your realtor and know, love, and trust me enough to share my name when needs for buying, selling, or investing in real estate come up.

Download your FREE first time home buyers checklist below:


Setting boundaries when you’re a Highly Sensitive Person

What’s a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? How do you know if you are one?

First clue. You’re here.

I was in a very similar google search about 4 years ago trying to get out of a traumatizing toxic relationship and stumbled upon HSP. A Highly Sensitive Person might be someone that’s told they feel “too much,” or are “too sensitive” according to others.

Do you catch yourself thinking about what other people are thinking?

Are you deathly afraid of rejection? Like even a simple no results in you feeling like you’ve been banished to feel forever alone?

Do you have a hard time letting go of a negative thought or incident that happened?

Do you get uncomfortable in larger gatherings of people and feel unsure of how to act or what to say?

If you have a bad day do you lean towards unhealthy eating or sleeping habits to cope?

Do you suffer from physical ailments like headaches, backaches, stomachaches when something upsets you?

Have you stopped watching the news because you get anxiety-ridden or feel physical pain from the intensity or grave topics?

If you answered yes to at least 3 of these questions you are most likely HSP. But, don’t take my words as a diagnosis. I’m not a medical professional and I don’t pretend to be one on TV. If you are struggling with your emotions seek help from your family care doctor or counselor.

There are actually a lot of positives from being HSP. We feel everything on a deeper level so even happiness can be felt at a greater magnitude than a “regular person.”

But, HSP’s can also really muddy up relationships and cause us to turn inward and ask “what is wrong with me?” In all my years of asking myself that question it was always something I felt to blame or guilt for when in reality I just felt that way from a past trauma or over-willingness to please others for praise. While I have done a lot of healing over the past few years, my old habits rear their head when I’m in emotional or volatile situations that my head and my heart can’t get through without feeling immense amounts of pain.

So, I came up with these simple self-soothing affirmations and when my brain goes into overthinking mode – I go through my boundary affirmations:


Boundaries are complicated. Especially for someone that overthinks about over-thinking. A Highly Sensitive Person can completely derail in a matter of minutes so it’s really important that we have a way to reel our emotions back within a range that makes us feel safe. Boundaries are not black and white but, I hope these ideas help you or at least springboard ideas for ones that would work for you. I suggest writing them down in your notes on your phone or on a notepad at home and keeping them where you can see them. When I know I’m going into a situation that might trigger these feelings I read through them and say them out loud first.

How do you figure out or set your own personal boundaries? There is no right or wrong way of figuring that out. What is most important is that we listen to our own inner voice, needs, and desires so we can move forward in a way that honors our spirit, even when it means disappointing someone else (which often takes a lot of practice, unlearning, and belief in yourself). I’m curious about your responses or reactions to these affirmations. Allow yourself to lean into them and let me know what comes up for you, if you’d like to!

Happy Friday🌟



Boundaries for the Highly Sensitive Person

How to build a stream of income NOW

Side hustles, do you have one?

Lots of people are looking for a way to make a second, or even third, income as our needs, wants, and wish lists get bigger and more expensive.

Since I was 17 I’ve always been working 2-3 side hustles doing things I either enjoyed or found I was good at in my spare time. Earning anywhere between $600-$70,000 a year with some of it being residual income (meaning money I made from work I only did one time but keep earning profits).

Here’s a short list of ways I’ve earned extra income over the years and created multiple streams of income (any links you click will benefit us both – this is part of that residual income I’m talking about):

Graphic Design and Branding: I use the platform as a freelancer and have re-branded companies, designed logos and merchandise, even made a coloring book for $40! If you have a specialty service you could be offering other business owners or larger corporations sign up today to get your own freelance account! Anything from virtual assistant to creating excel spreadsheets to writing blog posts, and more things I don’t even know are a thing but if it’s your skill set you can be doing it right away for cash money.

I make stickers, decals, signs, etc. I use Etsy to sell my wares and you can build a storefront in about 10 minutes if you have a craft, art, skill to market – get your first 40 listings free here

As a single mom throughout the years I’ve made extra money for vacations, Christmas, braces, etc making between $200-$1500/month for delivery food and grocery services or rideshare driving using Uber / Lyft / Instacart / Postmates

My full-time source of income for the last 7 years has been as a personal mentor/fitness coach earning up to $6000/month+ through commissions, rewards, and bonuses working from home, the beach, on vacation, anywhere with wifi. It has by far been the most rewarding and growth driven business I have ever been a part of and the benefit of helping and encouraging others on their mental, physical, financial well being has been personally rewarding. My own health and wellness has improved over the years too as I’ve lost weight, built up my immune system, and emotionally recovered from past traumas and abuse through new friendships and personal development.

Do you love essential oils, wine, stationery, jewelry, all natural cleaning products? Find a direct sales company that you can earn a discount on the products you use and earn commissions on the products you sell! Now more than ever we are an e-commerce and online world so don’t wait another second to grab a slice of the market!!

Other sources of income/ideas:

Become an Airbnb host – rent out a room or your entire house for anywhere between $200-$5000/month

Become a Licensed Real Estate Agent – work from your phone, your couch, the beach, anywhere you have wifi buying and selling homes. Online courses are affordable and you could be licensed and earning within 3 months!

Family & headshot photographer – I bought a camera off ebay and had a short stint but didn’t like working weekends

Sell slightly used clothing on ThredUp or sign up at Poshmark and use my personal invite code tawnyajean to get a free $10 to spend!

Utilize unused data and wifi through HoneyGain making money while you sleep – I’ve earned enough per month to eat out using this totally safe online service that capitalizes on your unused data plans. You won’t make a million but a free meal a month is worth it!

My next plan is learning how to dip my toes into the stock market. Do you have any experience, tips, or advice you can add on your experience in trading stocks? Would love to hear from you below!!

Now, let’s talk ACTION! Dive into one of my recommendations or think of a new one! I’d love for you to share your ideas within the comments and get a conversation and support system in place within the comment thread!!

Do you have a direct sales or network marketing business idea you’d like to add to this post? Let me know!




I just booked by 7th free trip with this company

7 years ago I started a business in hopes of making $200 extra a month* and losing 20 lbs+.

02-2020 transformation tuesdayy(Secretly though, I wanted to make enough to be able to stay home to raise my babies.)

I fell deeply in love with everything about this business because it didn’t even feel like work. Literally to earn an income all I had to do is workout, eat at least 3 healthy meals out of my 5 meals for the day, and make new friends online. K, that last one still makes me have nervous diarrhea but I share because I care.

That side hustle out earned my full time income in 9 months, paid off $8k of debt, earned me 6 all-expense paid vacations and 4 leadership retreats (so far) && a TON of bonuses, prizes, clothes, new workout swag and resources… but more than that…it’s paid for me to follow through with the ONE THING I wrote at the top of my GOALS wish list in the very first personal development group I joined in 2013 and that was to pay for my real estate license and have the ability to launch my real estate business/career – which is uber expensive when you’re just getting started you pretty much just pay a mess of fees and thankfully being an online coach has paid for allll of it.
More than the trips, the income, and the freedom — I LOVE that I find myself surrounded with amazing human beings that changed or in the process of changing THEIR OWN personal lives through starting their health journey and/or starting their own online businesses somewhere along my own journey.


Some people start and never take the step-by-step training I offer seriously. Others have done so and exceeded even my own accomplishments. My story where I am is just as diff as the coach bringing in a 7-figure income — Ya gotta put in the work. But, I’ve been in the top 1% of this coach network for 7 years running and I don’t plan on stopping there. The biggest lesson I learned in the past year is this is for my own and not someone else’s dreams. Every day I get to choose to work from home or the beach and in the mom cracks of my day. 😘🙌🏻 I get the privilege of working closely with others that WANT MORE while I’m home raising and providing for my babies. If you could work annnyyywhere you wanted… where would it be? Does online coaching sound like something you would like to do?  If so, I want to save a spot in my upcoming online coach training group for you!

Fill out this application


*Team Beachbody® does not guarantee any level of success or income from the Team Beachbody Coach Opportunity. Each Coach’s income depends on his or her own efforts, diligence, and skill. See our Statement of Independent Coach Earnings for the most recent information on the actual incomes of all our Coaches.
+Money Back Guarantee. All Beachbody products come with a Money Back Guarantee (MBG). If you’re not 100% satisfied with your results, return your product within the MBG for a refund of the purchase price, less shipping and handling.